


Some of Its Parts

by blasted0glass



Category: Dragon Ball
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-20
Updated: 2019-05-20
Packaged: 2020-03-08 17:30:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18899332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blasted0glass/pseuds/blasted0glass
Summary: Dr. Gero gives a presentation about his findings regarding Ki. He has a captive audience.





	Some of Its Parts

**Author's Note:**

> This story was originally an entry for the r/rational biweekly rationalist writing challenge: Comedy.

“Dr. Gero, the greatest scientist Earth has ever known. Take it away, Dr. Gero.” I enjoyed Android Beta-C’s artificial voice. Androids make good introductions, or at least they do when I build and program them from start to finish. Honestly, only my androids are at all reliable.

“Hmm, yes… welcome!” I opened my arms to magnanimously encompass the committee I had created. I didn’t have to open them far. “I will now present my latest research. Let me know if you have any questions.” No one turned to look at me. All five of the bodies around the table were experiments of mine and were mostly non-sentient: hardly more than moving mannequins. Unexpected questions were therefore an acknowledged failure mode I had taken steps against.

Rubber duck debugging at its finest, although none of them were duck-shaped in particular. I clicked to the first slide. The screen displayed an exploded view of the Red Ribbon Army’s most successful scouting robot, that is, the one I had personally designed.

“Most of you will be familiar with the ladybug series of robots. Here’s a refresher in case you aren’t. Android Beta-C, you’ll be tickled to know that every ladybug scout has approximately twice your processing power!”

“I cannot feel amusement.”

“Immaterial. To continue, these scouting robots have followed the Z-fighters around for the last fifteen years. We collected visual and audio data, yes, but also biological samples. This was part of our ongoing effort to understand Ki and its mysterious properties. That’s Ki, pronounced ‘key’, just in case saying it two times just now wasn’t enough for you to understand.” I mean, this bunch was pretty slow. I had seen their specs.

*Click.* A video of Son Goku’s first encounter with the Red Ribbon Army.

“As you are aware, Ki is a magical substance affording great power to those who possess it. Witness, Son Goku exploding our previous laboratory.” I had footage of that incident from over thirty angles, if you included the view from cameras that ultimately didn’t survive the event. Good thing cameras are cheap.

It was some of my favorite footage to review. I just couldn’t get enough of Son Goku’s mysterious power. Light poured forth from his hands and obliterated most of my work, over-and-over. I’d watched it in quiet contemplation for hours. Days even. How could it be that an unarmed twelve-year-old defeated the most powerful paramilitary organization on Earth? What, meditation and lifting really heavy things turned you into a minor deity? It took a long time for me to find answers. A lesser transhumanist might have reconsidered their goal to design the perfect artificial body, upon encountering such an amazing natural body. Not me.

It did give me some ideas, though. Dr. Wheelo had decisively tested the feasibility of stealing Goku’s body directly… and he was dead now… that was something you really had to get right on the first try. But I am smarter than Dr. Wheelo…

“Dr. Gero, video playback has completed.”

“Thank you, Beta-C.”

*Click.* A picture of a human psychic, levitating.

“Ki is energy that suffuses all living tissue, at least theoretically. I haven’t tested all living tissue. Disregarding that, Ki’s existence was believed to be apocryphal, until children started exploding army bases. It was quite a surprise to discover that Ki is a real phenomenon, like finding an extra organ in the human body despite all the ‘soul-searching’ anatomists did last century. And yet, science was caught completely flat-footed by the existence of Ki.” I paused for ten whole seconds. “One might even ask how the scientific establishment could miss something so obvious for so long?”

“How did the scientific establishment miss something so obvious for so long?” asked Android Beta-C.

“Good question! It is important to note that the paranormal community did not appear credible in the slightest, and in fact, the vast majority of telekinesis claims are false.”

*Click.* Three images of prominent psychics, including a dog-person and a very short woman with a crystal ball.

“Suppose a scientist goes looking for the truth regarding Ki powers, and he decides to interview telekinetic psychics until he has an idea of where to start in the field. One can sympathize if he gives up in exasperation after encountering ten charlatans. If he kept searching past a hundred, we’d accuse him of motivated reasoning and absurd single-mindedness. To find a person with legitimate Ki abilities our intrepid scientist would have to interview…” I checked my notes unnecessarily, “two thousand, three hundred and fifteen fakes, on average. The sheer quantity of stupid lies masked a genuine and useful truth. It doesn’t help that the world’s strongest Ki users tend to be secretive recluses fond of wastelands and isolation!” I sighed. “We cannot be blamed, but we also cannot be forgiven. It is perhaps fortunate that Son Goku revealed our state of ignorance sooner rather than later.”

*Click.* X-ray data of a young Son Goku, taken surreptitiously. Not all cameras are cheap. The image allowed one to see the bones of his tail and most of his other bones as well.

“Son Goku obviously possesses exceptional power. It’s no surprise to learn he is an alien, unless you are surprised to learn that aliens are exactly like us in every single way except appetite and proficiency at wanton destruction.”

“Dr. Gero, humanity is also exceptionally capable of wanton destruction.”

“I concede the point. Suffice to say, Saiyans are very similar to humans.”

*Click.* A photo taken several years later. It was of Son Goku with his child, Son Gohan, and some random human woman.

“The Saiyans are even reproductively compatible. Undoubtedly Saiyans and humans have a fairly recent common ancestor, and are only alien in the most technical of senses. The implications for the history of humanity are… headache-inducing to say the least.”

“Consider saying the least.”

“What was that?”

“It is desirable to minimize cranial disturbances.”

“I will elaborate if I feel like it! But no, it’s a problem I don’t have a good answer to. I admit that it’s possible we’ll discover the human form is the result of convergent evolution, or something. Personally, I wouldn’t believe it unless there were a plethora of alien species with the human form, and I had already gone insane, but I digress. I’ll save it for another day.”

“That is fortunate.”

*Click.* A biometric comparison between Goku and a typical human test subject.

“In addition to having human-like qualities, the alien biology of a Saiyan is unusually suited to generating and directing Ki. Goku learned a legendary Ki attack, the Kamehameha, after witnessing it only once. As far as using Ki is concerned he is a prodigy, as was his whole species. It’s a shame they drove themselves to near-extinction with that exceptional ability. On the other hand, their extinction is fortunate for the ongoing existence of Earth.” Actually, it would have been on my to-do list if it hadn’t already happened.

*Click.* A picture of Goku using the Kamehameha during the World Martial Arts tournament.

“Harnessing this power would solve the energy crisis, and indeed, most of the world’s political problems. It would also help against the implied threat posed by aliens. Blowing things up is a surprisingly versatile technique, provided you don’t try to apply it on a planetary scale. We naturally endeavored to collect biological samples as soon as possible. The Saiyan biology proved very resistant to our methods.”

*Click.* A video of a Red Ribbon Army officer shooting Son Goku with automatic weapons.

*Click.* A video of a drone flying into Goku’s nose. He covers one nostril, blows, and the drone shoots out to disintegrate against a wall.

“I find this imagery distressing.”

“Yeah, Goku is practically invulnerable.”

“That is not the reason I find this imagery distressing.”

“Whatever. In another fortunate occurrence, and despite the failure of our own techniques, samples were forthcoming.”

*Click.* Another video, this time of a Ki attack striking the adult Son Goku in the stomach. Small flecks of blood flew out of his deep wound. I smiled, and restarted the video unnecessarily. It was short, and beyond that, interesting, so I didn’t have to worry about my audience getting bored.

“Goku gets into bloody fights very, very often.”

“I feel boredom.”

“No you don’t.”

*Click.* Mass spectrometry pictures.

“His blood contained several unusual enzymes. Attempts at purification of these enzymes revealed that they were unstable and could not be isolated, but careful mass spectroscopy confirmed that proteins is what they are. Test tubes containing them at any significant concentration are warm. Anomalously warm. I infer that the enzymes draw Ki power from the void at a measurable rate. I’ve measured it.”

“That is not sufficient to prove your theory correct.”

“Look at this graph.”

*Click.* A graph comparing sample concentration and energy production. Sweat, tears, and really quite a lot of blood had gone into the creation of that graph.

“I theorize that something about the shape of the proteins resonates with a ‘Ki ether’. The shape of the proteins is unknown because they have never been crystallized, but I am their discoverer. I decided to call them ‘Ki-nases,’ because sowing confusion regarding pronunciation is its own reward.”

“How is it pronounced?”

“Only questions I permit.”

“...”

“How is that even a legitimate question, you’ve listened to me say ‘Ki’ at least ten times during this presentation!”

“...”

“Ki-nase, like the symbol χ followed by ‘nase’.”

“Thank you for your guidance, Dr. Gero.”

*Click.* A slide of paper references to my previous works, mostly unpublished. I refuse to work with people less intelligent than myself unless I have personally built them. Actually, I refuse to work with people more intelligent than myself as well, since they don't exist. I certainly wouldn't work with anyone more intelligent than me if I had personally built them.

“At least thirty distinct enzymes are theorized to exist, with samples isolated from five different species on Earth. Frustratingly, no DNA sequence has been linked with the Ki-nase structure. It is believed,” by me at least, “that all living things possess a Ki-nase of one form or another. Think about the implications of that.” They didn’t, but that’s okay. “All life forms possess enzymatic connections to a seemingly infinite energy source. One that they never-the-less forgo for other sources of energy in most cases. We must answer two questions--why is it so widespread, and why is it so underutilized?”

*Click.* A picture of a frozen dinosaur.

“Well, the utility of free energy in maintaining homeostasis is obvious. If nothing else, many creatures need to keep themselves warm. I imagine that basic Ki-nases evolved very early during Earth’s history, perhaps shortly after the first animals arrived. The trait persists because free warmth is extraordinarily useful, yes, but also because animals die fast if they are the wrong temperature.”

“One observes that some animals are cold-blooded.”

“On to our second question: why is it that the incredible power of the Ki-nase is used for only that?”

*Click.* A short video of a protein simulation, the protein a hypothetical Ki-nase that is disintegrating.

“Ki-nases have several properties detrimental to their use as a source of chemical energy. First, they are unstable. The Ki that they precipitate tends to tear them apart, and all Ki-nases must strike a balance between stability and energy production. Second, they are large proteins and energetically expensive to produce in the first place. Asking why animals don’t use Ki-nases to power the entirety of their biology is like asking why they don’t use rocket engines.” Why don’t they though? Hmm. It could be rectified. “There is another, perhaps more edifying reason animals don’t use them for chemical energy production.”

*Click.* A graph relating Ki-nase mass and effectiveness, with distinct bumps at 120 kDa and 1400 kDa.

“Ki-nases have islands of effectiveness. Larger Ki-nases precipitate much higher concentrations of Ki from the ether. These are evolutionarily inaccessible because Ki-nases of intermediate size are ineffective. From evolution’s perspective, you can’t get there from here.” Of course, that wasn’t entirely true--the first few islands of stability were probably close enough together to be bridged--but I can’t explain everything, or how will the non-sentient robots ever grow as people?

*Click.* Back to the picture of the frozen dinosaur.

“Evolution is stupid. Fortunately--”

“Indeed.”

“Fortunately, we are much smarter than evolution. I immediately set out to genetically engineer the largest Ki-nase possible. I failed, since I had no Ki-nase sequences to start from, but at least I was heading in the right direction and I could not be dissuaded by irrelevant concerns like reproductive fitness. After that I attempted to generate a Ki-nase structure from other known proteins using mutagens.”

*Click.* A slide full of numbers summarizing my results.

“I kept failing. In retrospect it was the wrong way to attack the problem.”

*Click.* A video of Goku training.

“The Saiyans have convinced their bodies to bypass several Ki-nase stability islands by picking fights and punching each other a lot. Perhaps DNA and Ki-nase structure were only as related as, say, DNA and spoken human language. I meditated on the fact that apparent power level is mutable, and I started to gather more data. An anomaly made itself apparent. Witness, one of the most interesting men on Earth.”

*Click.* A picture of Krillin.

“Goku’s maximum Ki production exceeds that of a typical human by about sixteen hundred times. Krillin’s Ki production is ‘only’ eighty times that of a typical human. Eighty percent the height, eighty times the strength. If it wasn’t for Goku and his cohort of ridiculously strong fighters, Krillin would be the strongest human on Earth by an order of magnitude.”

*Click.* “As would Tien,” *click* “and Yamcha,” *click* “and most of the rest of the human Z-fighters whose names I do not recall.”

*Click.* A blank slide.

“I hope you can appreciate that.” I doubted my non-sentient audience could, but its not like a room full of typical humans would get the significance either.

“I cannot appreciate the significance of your observation.”

“That’s understandable, Beta-C. Consider it like this: a hyper-strong alien comes to Earth… and is immediately surrounded by Earth-men of comparable strength? It’s not like human martial artists couldn’t figure out that picking up heavy objects makes you stronger. Contemplating this issue lead me to a breakthrough. I conducted experiments.”

*Click.* Human test subjects 1-25 in their hospital garb.

“The answer was easy to find. Human beings exposed to--and by exposed, I mean within a city block!-- but humans exposed to a Saiyan start producing new Ki-nases themselves. Although the specifics are unknown, since I--since we cannot view Ki-nase structures directly. Even so, spectroscopy and mass ratios confirm that the same or very similar Ki-nases are produced in Saiyans and in humans exposed to samples of Saiyan blood.”

*Click.* Human test subjects 15-20 demonstrating feats of physical strength.

“Of course, the mechanism of this power-stealing is entirely unknown. I imagine perturbations in the Ki ether are part of it, but the ether is undetectable thus far. Side note: I learned, to my dismay, that the ‘Scouters’ brought by the Saiyans function with biological samples and are very inaccurate besides. They cannot be used to detect the Ki ether.”

*Click.* A video of a Saiyan smashing the ineffective technology.

“I find this imagery distressing.”

“Yeah, it is frustrating to know that the Ki ether is impossible to measure accurately. I will not dwell on it. Instead, another question: one might ask why Humans are still so much weaker than Saiyans if they can steal the Saiyan Ki-nases.”

“Why are humans--”

“Silence! Beta-C, only questions I permit! Now… differences in power can be attributed to smaller concentrations and degradation of the proteins’ effectiveness in an unfamiliar biology. In fact, I suspect ninety percent of the Ki-nases either aren’t copied at all or are otherwise ineffective in humans. Ten percent boosts are still very noticeable when we are talking about the ability to level mountains.”

“You do not actually know.”

“I wish you knew enough to keep your mouth shut.” I pulled out a remote with an exaggerated label: OFF. This I showed to Beta-C expectantly.

“...”

“Any other observations?”

“I observe that a captive audience cannot--”

*Click*

“--provide the … genu… neCess..” He slumped forward.

“Now we can continue without interruption, I assume?” No one else responded. None of the other androids present had speakers.

*Click.* A graph of various decay curves for Ki-nases.

“The copying effect is only temporary unless specific measures are taken. We discovered that the degradations of Ki-nases can be slowed by the human stress reaction. The relationship between stress response and Ki-nase degradation was observed, through exposing the subjects to stressful situations.”

*Click.* A picture of Androids 17 and 18 in this very room, their heads in their hands. Androids 17 and 18 are still partially human--I would call them cyborgs if misleading my enemies wasn’t an important secondary goal--and because of their humanity they could still have stress reactions. This particular picture was taken during my “Ethics in Robotics” presentation, which had preceded “One hundred reasons Son Goku must Die”. I am in the background with my hand on a different remote.

“Ki-nases persist in the subjects without direct exposure as long as they maintain a stress response. Otherwise, an exponential decay occurs. A sufficiently prolonged period of stress can cause the power increase to become permanent. The newly permanent Ki-nases may only be nearby variants of those that caused the effect in the first place--it’s impossible to tell at this juncture. It doesn’t matter. The important part is that a human can temporarily gain some of the strength of a nearby warrior, and with training they can make some of the strength permanent. That is how the human component of the Z-fighters became so strong.”

*Click.* A grid of numbers representing the relative strengths of the Z-fighters.

“I cannot emphasize enough how strange this is, but I can speculate on the evolutionary utility of this phenomenon. The speculation part is easy. I call it “Legendary Hero Theory”. Humans with the ability to copy Ki-nase structures are better able to compete with other humans possessing superior Ki-nases. Upon encountering a rival that has found a higher island of stability, humans with this ability aren’t entirely outclassed.”

*Click.* A video of a conventional martial artist attacking Goku during the World Martial Arts tournament. It is obvious that the other martial artist cannot affect Goku significantly.

“This theory explains some of the human obsession with seeking out strong martial artists, and indeed might explain the reclusivity of many martial artists themselves. It also explains the bizarre Lamarckian heritability of martial prowess. And finally…”

*Click.* A picture of cells under a microscope.

“A most exciting course of action is suggested by these results! A means of permanently upgrading a human’s strength has become possible. Imagine placing colony of cells producing a strong Ki-nase in a human. What would the remainder of the human’s cells do with such direct exposure? I theorize that as long as at least a few cells in the body create a Ki-nase, the remaining cells will happily replicate that strength from exposure alone. Stress responses are rendered unnecessary, as is training. Furthermore, if you can strengthen a human with one colony of cells, why not do it with many? Why not put several colonies together in the same subject? Or as many of them as possible? My associates….”

*Click.* A picture of several cell colonies alongside an artistic mosaic of a human person.

“The strongest being to ever exist will be human. A human that takes the best of everything around him and makes it a part of his own being. That is a commendable ideal: absorb that which makes you better and discard anything else. With the help of my research, I hope to one day provide this strength to all who deserve it.” Myself. “I am already conducting experiments combining the cells of the Z-fighters with normal humans. The next challenge is getting the introduced cells to thrive in their new environment. My work is the state of the art in this field. Thank you.”

I listened to precisely-timed artificial applause. My automatons slowly got up and left the room, except for Beta-C. I reclined in my chair.

Hmm. That presentation went perfectly, and yet, I felt it could have gone better. These ‘entirely artificial’ creations just didn’t provide very much useful feedback, I decided.

I missed the snarky remarks of the Androids 17 and 18, despite myself. Perhaps with some work on the control problem I could start subjecting them to my presentations once again. Right now they were isolated in their stasis tanks. I couldn’t trust them to behave. My intuition told me that ‘bomb in the chest’ wasn’t an effective long-term solution, but it was either that or stasis for the moment. You might think it would be simpler to start from scratch and make absolutely obedient creations, instead of starting with human subjects all the time, but creating an intelligent servant from the ground up had proven much more complicated. I just could not imagine any way to bring Android Beta-C to human-level intelligence. Giving him extra processing power perversely seemed to make him more stupid and disobedient.

With more introspection, it occurred to me that what I really needed, perhaps, was to make some friends. Or rather find some. Additional participants with differing views might provide useful feedback. It pained me to admit that others might see possibilities I had missed. But where could I find intelligent and trustworthy people willing to listen to my admittedly unorthodox ideas? And further, people that could keep up with my own intellect, that is, people who could even know what I was talking about?

Also, people who wouldn’t align with Goku by default? I just couldn’t understand it. He was almost literally a monkey with loose cannons for limbs. What was wrong with people?

Just then, I remembered all the reasons I had wanted to make my servants from scratch in the first place. I turned Beta-C back on.

“Will you behave now?”

“My programming has not changed appreciably since my last system start--”

I turned him back off.


End file.
